Tag Archives: dreams

Graduate Things

9 Aug

The thoughts in most students minds while in University are usually that they will find lucrative job offers immediately upon completing. As a former student take it from me, I actually believed I would have companies and organisations lining up to take me aboard their money making ships.

You can imagine my surprise when I was suddenly thrown into the world of unemployed youth and Government Job freeze. A world where I keep reading about how 3000 youths apply for a job that is looking for ONLY22 people. How the Government let’s off 150 people because the Nation’s budget can not allow the pay of all of them. A world where every employer is only looking to hire someone who has 3-5 years work experience.
It makes me wonder exactly how one is supposed to get that work experience when no one is willing to hire them in the first place. Most people I know have at tops 6 months experience because of the various internships and industrial attachments they had. So are we going to forever be overlooked and left out because we are so fresh our of College that we don’t even know how much we are worth?

I had my graduation of the 24th of July, 2014 and at this point all I feel if fear. Fear that I may stay at home longer than I planned. Fear that my best years are passing by and that my once fresh and sponge like brain will dry up by the time someone decides to give me a chance to prove myself. So my “Best Graduating Student Award” hangs in my room and makes me laugh each time I look at it because it makes me think “what was the point of all that hard work and all the sweat if I am just going to spend my days at home?” Most of the people I talk to keep asking where it is that I am working and I guess it is coming as a shock to them when I explain that I am just at home, still living with my parents.

The biggest shock or let me say the thing that hurt the most is seeing people who graduated some 2 or 3 years earlier than me complaining about how they can not find employment in the country and how opportunities are not coming up. Most keep talking about the high levels of corruption and nepotism in the workplace and as I have no idea if it’s true or not I really can not comment about it.

But I have learnt quite a few things in my six months after writing my last University paper.

  1. Life isn’t as easy after University as most students imagine.
  2. You will regret wasting your student loan money on shoes and booze once you realise you should have been putting some into your savings account.
  3. Being the best graduating student doesn’t mean you will be the first person to get a job.
  4. The people everybody looked down on will most likely be the most successful.
  5. The Government doesn’t exactly have the best interest of everyone in mind. At times they just want to make themselves richer.

But maybe that is just me. I have a friend who believe that positivity and what you think you will get is most likely what the universe will give you. So as I lie here in my bed feeling a bit depressed and scared for my future, I will be positive and believe that I will get a 5 figure salary job and I will live in the city with the man of my dreams and my dream home…balcony, herb garden, garden swing and all.
I mean if we can’t even have part of the dream, what’s the point of even waking up in the morning right?



I Quote A Famous Person #3

19 Feb

You know you’re in love when you can’t fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams. – Dr Seuss

The sound of rain outside is not really helping me right now.

27 Mar

Laying in bed, covered up to my neck in my winnie the pooh/ mickey mouse blanket (a bit of a disney freak, I love mickey mouse…always have) I am wondering why on earth am I still up? This is not healthy. It is well past midnight and everybody else in the house has long passed out and drifted off to dream land. Leaving me alone, staring at the ceiling and listening to the rains outside. Which if I may add is not helping at all.

It is times like this I wish I was someone else, preferably someone who does not suffer from extreme insomnia. Like my nephew maybe. 20:30 pm and he is already knocking on sleep’s door(i am not sure if that expression exists but I am going to use it anyway). I really do not think it is fair that some people just find it easier to sleep and I am always the last one to join the party on the other side.

Maybe I should try sleeping pills, I hear they help alot with people like me. Ha ha people like me, that makes it sound like I am a weird breed of a human doesnt it?

On top of everything the thunder storm / lightning attack happening outside is making me act like a little girl and cover myself protectively in fear. All these years and I still can not get over this fear.

Well after alot of failed attempts to sleep I have finally decided to just get up and post a random blog entry about how awful it is to be the only human awake in the house…now i know how that guy felt in CAST AWAY. So alone.

It is like sleep thinks I am not worthy of it or something cruel like that. I have been good, I dont even litter or mistreat animals. I am not a bad person…atleast I think I am not.

If I was a vampire I would be fine with all this ‘sleep all day and stay up all night’, but that is not the case. I am not a sexy beast with fangs. I am not having that eternal youth and sex appeal that draws people in. There is no beauty sleep for me and I will probably look like smeagol in the morning. So all this, it is really not doing me any good.

Whatever. I guess it is movie watching until it is 4am because that is when sleep usually decides to pay this sleep deprived poor human person a visit.

I am not happy.

Coldness, rain, dreams and the Unseen.

25 Mar

A familiar feeling of emptiness overpowers me,

a cold moment when no amount of food, drugs or drink can help erase the memories than suddenly flood my all so exhausted brain.

Even the comforting sound of my music or the feel of my beddings cant bring back that lost feeling of happiness and warmth.

The rain drops upon this old roof making me envious and weep inside as I wish for the day to come when the sound of rain will symbolize the washing away of my actions,

 my filth,

and even my tears.

I lose sleep each night as the insomnia begins to run my life.

Slowly slipping, Taking me down with all my hope into the cold abyss of regret,

where every thought makes me nostalgic and keeps driving me closer to the edge.

A dark cloud above my head,

will the sun ever shine again?

A rotten smell in the air.

Or is it my own mind dying away?

Caged inside my own thoughts,

 a prisoner of my own mind.

Will love come and set me free like that guy who broke the curse with nothing more than true love’s first kiss

 or is it all just another piece of the puzzle ,

 finding its place among my wildest fantasies and day dreams-

 a part of my distorted chaos, this existance we call reality?

I close my eyes and try to conjure up a better tomorrow,

where the song birds sing forever so sweetly the melodies of a life worth waking up for

 and the gentle breeze whispers a message from above ‘HE Is always there for you’.

Taking in a deep long breath and holding on to an imaginary picture of myself.

 A made up vision of me with a genuine smile on my face.

I put my faith in the hope of a supernatural miracle

 and trust in the unseen.

Day dreaming of the perfection of the day,

 when I wont have to fake this smile.

Getting Back On the horse

12 Mar

I dont understand why things just cant work out the way we plan them in our heads. I had it all figured out- or so i thought. I would save enough money, buy my sewing machine and be one step closer to realising my dream. But it is like my own fear is the only thing standing between me and my dream..well that and my uncontrollable tendacy to let what everyone say dictate my life.

I was so convinced and sure that I was going to make it happen and time was the only obstacle but now I am not so sure. I feel like if I go after what I really want I will just end up hurt and being laughed at for failing miserably.

What good is living if you dont take risks to go after what you want and having a shot at success?

What is up with this saying by the way…I dont own a horse or anything like that. But the bottom line is I keep failling at what I want so much to succeed at. I believe I can make it one day so I guess I just have to hang in there, huh? atleast that is what I hear people saying.

But I am so scared.


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