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The Assassination Of Cupid

6 Feb

die cupidFirst of all, before, I even begin I would  like to say that just in case this blog post is full of typos and grammar that makes you wonder if I ever went to school or if i am normal, it is not my fault.

For starters ever since we (students of a certain university) went on vacation, I have rediscovered my love of books and the internet so I rarely sleep or eat as much my mother would like. Unhealthy and a bad habit I know but it can not be helped. I would say it is insomnia but that would be a lie because mostly it is by my own doing that I do not sleep.  I just do not want to sleep, simple and straight forward. And thanks to my new best friend coffee, I don’t. Unless I absolutely have to.

All this leads me to spending each day looking and walking like a zombie and since I spend most of my time in my room on my laptop, no one gets scared by my appearance. Which is all really good, because the last thing I want is to be scaring people. And well we can blame the bad “postmanship” (I hope that exists) on that for now.

Okay, now I have forgotten where I was going with all of this.

Right, back to the issue at hand, love, romance, valentine’s day, cupid and the many other things that give me a headache (not all the time, but enough times). Okay enough of the hate, right? stay with me this post actually has some sense in it in the end.

You know how they say “You can pick your friends, you can pick your nose but you can not pick who you love”, like it is some miracle and action you have no control over? Well I guess there is some sense in that nonsense. You can see it in the way we end up with the most unlikely people, people we never thought we could br friends with, let alone lovers.

I would like to think that every person has their dream guy or girl, then how do you explain ending up with someone who is the total opposite of that? The answer I think is cupid. That winged bastard likes to play cruel jokes on people and probably even laughs about it as he watches, like a really bad episode of Jerry Springer. A while back I used to think he does his evil magic with that cute bow and arrow of his, but now I have reason to think he upgraded his arsenal and bought a freaking machine gun and a bazooka. No one is same. No one. try blocking a shot a bazooka with a bullet proof vest. Its like people just keep falling in and out of love, like it isn’t bad enough that celebrities do it now it is becoming a trend everywhere and with almost everyone. Its disgusting. I say this because how else can we explain what happens on Facebook these days?

exhibit A

You log into Facebook on monday and see a changed relationship status from “single” to “in a relationship with____”, first thought that comes to your mind, “wow, someone is going out with toothless wonder Jane”. Everyone comments and likes and it’s a good monday I guess as far as Mondays go.

Tuesday comes and it’s all love updates from the new couple, you know the type “I miss him”, “I love him”, ” blah blah”, (I am a culprit with updates all the time like a love struck teenager. I am so ashamed admitting this so do not laugh)

Then the good stuff starts to happen by thursday when the relationship status changes to “its complicated”, by that time you get out your popcorn because you know its drama time soon. unnecessary drama if I might add.

Sunday and it “went from its complicated to single”, what the hell? and then you have updates like ” all men/women are the same”, “F### this, I am too cute to be crying over a spineless jerk” and my personal favourite “fu Screw love, I am tired of trying”

Three days later and its the start of the cycle..again.

Now from this you can tell that something is wrong, obviously cupid has been shooting so many people at a go that, by the time you are done you would have gone through the cycle like a hundred times. And if you are the “has sex with every boyfriend” type, by the time it is boyfriend #25 you will be smuggling midgets in your Vag “Unmentionable”.

exhibit B

Dating two or more people at the same time, why the hell do you need to do that? Who do you think you are, Casanova? I am not going to go into religious territory, because lets face it, that is how wars begin. i am just going to say, umm “AIDS IS REAL” and “I hope you like herpes”. Two-timing douche.


And before we put the blame on the guys and probably start a war of the sexes, note that females can be just as guilty too. (Case closed)

Cheating Girl Friend[1]

And what is worse is still seeing him/her even when you freaking know he is with someone else, if it is someone you know then I think you have issues. Go see a shrink or something. Back stabbing freak. (Make sure the knife is clean at least before you use it)

You give love a bad name.

From all this we can see that, the only way to save the world is to go on a non stop search for the winged fat little guy and its off with his head. Okay I realise I am being very mean right now, and probably going to be arrested for putting the idea of assassination in people’s heads but please you have got to agree with me on this one. CUPID HAS GOT TO GO.


The Month Of Love Is Here

5 Feb


Ah february, the month of love, single people’s worst nightmare and home of valentine’s Day. It is that month when people stop fearing being struck by lightning and wear red, when the streets look like TOMATO PLANET and mismatched couples walk hand in hand looking like love struck retards. If you have a weak stomach, you will be sick for most of this month at the level of PDA you will be seeing.

Love will be in the air and unless you are immune to it, I suggest buying a gas mask or going into quarantine. Because once you catch it, you will no longer be yourself. There are a number of things that will change about you and you will think you have lost your mind. Come to think of it I think you will. Here is just a preview of what you will become:

  • You will be losing sleep thinking about them.
  • Seeing them will make you heart beat fast and your stomach will feel funny.
  • You will stop thinking about yourself and just trying to do things that will make not just you happy, but the both of you.
  • You will find yourself wanting to text them and finding out how they are and some other stuff like that.
  • You will be missing them, even if you just saw them the day before and want to hang out…even if you are just sitting there doing nothing in their arms,it will give you joy. Talk about being weird
  • At times when you see them talking to some one else and enjoying it, you will feel this emotion, I think its called jealousy.
  • You may not mind things you used to mind before, like kissing, drinking from the same bottle they just used and ew even worse, use the same tooth-brush.
  • If you are a quiet person, you will find that you are telling them things you have never told anyone else because you TRUST them.
  • You will start enjoying things like laying on the ground looking at the clouds with them, or even stars. Getting soaked by the rains and not be upset.

I am telling you, by the time you are done, you will not recognise the person you have become.

Just like th people in the pictures below:

note book cute aww

I realise that I am like, five days late with this post but, what the heck right? It’s not like you are all even excited, with most of us (I use “us” because saying “you” would just be mean right?), yeah so with most of us being either single or in relationship with our fridges, beds and laptops , its understandable why we dread this month. That one in the year when being single never felt so awkward, we should be calling it “SINGLES AWARENESS DAY” instead of Valentine’s Day. Yeah I said.

Please if you are a freakishly #TeamValentinesDay person do not kill me, because from now until the 15, I will dedicate my blog to nothing but trashing, making fun of and maybe just maybe giving advice on what I know about love.. (Don’t expect too much, I know next to nothing about it…I probably even know more about rocket science than love). This blog will be “love central” and valentine’s day heaven but with a twist because I WILL be cruel or funny depending on what I have for breakfast.

Like for example;

This will put me in a good mood (Good luck to me having this for breakfast, what is this heaven?).


 This will put me in a foul mood… ew are those bugs?? *feels sick*

Now before you come up with a ridiculous conclusion as to while I am going to be making fun of valentines day, let me just clarify some things.

  1. No, I am not a bitter single lady who is doing this to make herself feel better about spending it alone.
  2. No, I was not once dumped on valentine’s day such that now the thought of celebrating it makes me want to barf or worse Choosing to be institutionalised and then medicated to the point where I forget my own name, just so I can not think about valentine’s day.
  3. No, I am not a “hater” (okay maybe a bit, but these days who isn’t)
  4. No, I do not hate love. If you must know, I have a boyfriend who I love with everything that I am ( I love him so much it make sme sick at times).. yes I did just say that. I can see you raising your eyebrow thinking am obviously a crazy person, I AM NOT.
  5. No, I am not secretly a lesbian (and even if I was, I would probably be proud of it because I know I would be dating one hot babe..maybe not Angelina Jolie or Rihanna but pretty close. I have that much game). As I was saying, I am not a lesbian who can not celebrate it in my country with my girl because we would probably be arrested or deported to God knows where.
  6. No, I am not broke and using anything else as an excuse to get out of being in the valentine’s mood. (truth be told, I have K4 in my account and I can very well buy him a lollipop if I wanted…don’t judge me)
  7. No, It has nothing to do with my religion (I think)
  8. No, It’s not because my boyfriend is miles away for like 2 more months.
  9. NO, I am not doing this because I will get paid (though I wish I was)

Now since we have gotten that out-of-the-way, we are now on the same page. Now you know there will be no biasness or bad blood because I am an adult and I just love writing. It wont be personal, Just Blogging.

At this point the only thing I can say to all thee single people out there and the ones whose status on Facebook is saying “its complicated”, do not worry because you will love my posts, and besides you have your family and friends so spend it with them. It will be fine.

And please, if you can I would so love it if you emailed me how you plan on spending your day on the 14th, it will make an excellent post. Please, do so. I might just buy you some chocolate. 🙂



29 Mar

He did not show it anymore…did not act like it anymore, maybe because he did not feel it anymore, she thought to herself.

The pouring rain was soaking her, freezing her as she knelt on the ground. Tears were falling down her cheeks as she tried to make him come back to her. It was like the  more she pulled him closer, the further her got away

There was an unmistakable feeling of pain in her now shattering heart. With each step he walked away, it felt like a knife was digging deeper in her chest.

The dress she wore to impress him was now completely drenched and covered in mud. A pathetic mockery of its former beauty.

Her mind now wandered off to a period when he cared about how she felt. The days when he could not bare the sight of her tears, when he could not even dream of making her cry.

“i love you so much, you are the best thing that ever happened to me.”, She screamed out at the top of her voice, with everything she was and hoped he would hear and say he felt the same way too. He turned back, a smirk on his gorgeous face. She wished she could read his mind now and know for sure what he was thinking. Was he doing all this just to hurt her, torture her or did he really not care anymore?

Deep down she believed he knew that she meant it. That he was the only man for her, the light at the end of the tunnel. He was the guardian angel she had never had. The friend she could always turn to. But at that moment he felt so far away, a stranger in her life.

Finally after what seemed like forever he uttered something, she swallowed hard and fought back the tears. A lump formed in her throat as she looked at him now through bloodshot eyes.

He then walked away, leaving her cold in the rain with nothing more to hold on to than the last two words he had said. Those words, nothing more than a simple “THANK YOU”.

‘hello, dawn… Are you okay, are you still there?’, the voice at the other side of the line asked.

Dawn was still stuck in her thoughts, the world her brain had created to amplify the torture. Still trying to figure out how he could act so casual about it. She just told him she loved him and all he could manage saying was a ‘thank you’.

She felt pathetic and vulnerable that up to now, she still says it, knowing exactly what his response will be.

‘hello’, he said again, unaware of just what his ‘thank you’ had put her through. The images that had formed in her head. The hurt it brought her.
‘yes am okay, i am still here…i just spaced out there for a second. So whats for the day’, she answered, pretending she was okay with the way their relationship was. They had been through so much Together. She hoped he knew that she was not fine. For how could she be fine, when he could not even say the words. Did not feel the same way. Those three words she longed to hear. The way she felt about him…she knew she could not force him to say them back. Deep down she knew love can not be forced, but even just knowing that, it killed her a little each day.

My Top 5 Relationship myths

12 Mar

Like everyone else I have always dreamt of the “perfect” relationship…the type that makes you want to scream from the highest building ‘i am so happy and in love…i am walking on sunshine and the birds are singing our song’. yeah I dont know if anyone ever does that but it would kind of seem weird I guess.

Anyway we all hear stories and talk about just what a real realationship should be about. What is expected and what is not not expected. Well all this just brings about people having all the wrong expectations and views.

I am no relationship Guru myself (though i wish i was bacause that would be so awesome) but i think the following are all just MYTHS.


1. The perfect real relationship does not require work to be put in for it to work.

-the truth is for a relationships to work it actually does need some effort to be put in…but it has to come from both parties and not a situation where only one person is doing all the work.

2. Having a baby will  make the relationship stronger.

-it is true that bringing a baby in this world will give you something to bond over more when you love each other but to believe that a bvaby will make him stick by your forever  when the relationship is shaky and nothing is holding it is just wrong. not to mention cruel, because you are using an innocent soul to make something work that probably is not meant to be.

3. For a relationship to work, the partner has to change.

-well unless your partner in a cheater or a violent person who is also an alcoholic, this is a really bad way to start a relationship. And believing in such a rule may just cost you your relationship.

4. Jealousy in a relationship is a sign of real love and care.

-a little jealousy may be sweet at first, but in actual sense it is just a sign of insecurity. There are times when your partner can try by all means to reasure you that they love only you but the jealous thing always manages to somehow reappear and ruin good conversations and relationships.

5. Arguing is a bad thing.

-This is just an excuse for people not to talk about things that are affecting them and resorting to bottling them up. Which is the easiest way to being unhappy. Talking about your issues will help with having them solved.

18 crazy relationship Do’s and don’t’s

2 Mar

Okay when it comes down to relationships, especially new ones, in my experience it can be a little awkward. with the period where neither one of you knows what is really going on. And the dreaded “talk” when you have to define just what you are to each other. It can also be going out in public together for the first time as a Couple. All this stuff is just crazy.

I have been in my fair share of relationships and I can honestly say I am “wack” at this. Its like I am the definition of ‘the worst girlfriend in the world’. Its either I am saying the wrong things, doing the wrong things, feeling the wrong things and maybe even wearing the wrong things.

So my conclussion is that maybe if you avoid all the things that I did, what other people did and what I read about, maybe, just maybe we can come up with a relationship that will not fall to pieces.

These might come out as a little crazy but they just might work.


  • Do not have jealous bones in your bodies-these bones bring nothing but unnecessary pain and noisy fights in public. Not to mention people calling you a psycho.
  • Do not insist on meeting his parents 2 weeeks after you are official- This is just wrong and crazy, you are moving too fast..chill
  • Do talk about your problems when they arise, but do it calmly-bottling things up will just make you sick and fat. Imagine not going to the toilet fo a month.
  • Do compliment each other every once in a while- it doesnt hurt to tell her she looks good when she does and vice versa
  • Do not talk about you period every time and how EXPLOSIVE your diarrhea was- I have a feeling that guys dont like hearing how “the downstairs” is suffering and the bad toilet experience, especially during dinner.
  • Do make sure you remember things like birthdays and anniversaries…if its valentine’s day dont even act dumb about it-unless you want it to be put in record. such things are never forgotten..NEVER.
  • Do not make jokes about how fat one of you is getting and how they look like an obese baby hippo.
  • Do act spontanous and give them a sexy massage just for fun-but only if you know what you are doing, it would be embarassing if you ended up sending them to the emergency room.
  • Do not talk about marriage after a month and things like how many babies you want to have-that stuff scares off people more that freddy on friday the 13th
  • Do tell her just how much she means to you and send random texts saying that you miss her- its surprising how that little text can make her day, girls are so weird.
  • Do Get involved in what the other person likes- there is nothing worse than people who have nothing in common not finding common ground. Then you end up having conversations about the weather all the time and asking things like “sooooo, what do you think about the sky today..pretty blue,huh?” (lame)
  • Do shave once in a while or Do not shave, depends on the person i guess- one mans disgusting leg hair that makes big foot look like a new born baby rat is another mans turn on. (weird)
  • Do not fake your death and leave a fake $1,000,000 share in you fake will, as an April fool’s day prank- that is just insensitive(though its kind of genius)
  • Do not go obsessed on them and call, text, tweet, update about them, inbox, whatsapp, poke, send a letter, post on their wall or sing songs for them all at the same time every one hour. Writting things like “you are the air that i breath and if i lost you i will stab out mu heart” will not gain you any good point. (not that i did that because that is just crazy :D)
  • Do not eat like a pig in front of them and talk with your mouth full of food as you dance to the macarena on the kitchen table- i dont know why anyone would do that but, yeah DO NOT DO THAT.
  • Do not talk about serious relationship things in texts and have arguments online. writting in capital letters to show that you are upset and sending a text of an emoticon that is upset or one that is crying is just weird even in this texting generation. Talk face to face and work it out…it will even be better when you make up because the make up sex will be awesome, make up phone sex is just creepy.
  • Do give each other breathing space, spend time with him, your friends and your family-seeing each other 24/7 will just sicken you. too much of anything is bad
  • Do not take naked pictures of them and post them online, Do not even set up a hidden camera to record as you get intimate them show it to your friends-unless you want to be famous and be featured in  the newspaper or talked about by everyone online.(which is amazing by the way..quick fame) DONT DO THIS.

The player vs The Money-loving Slut

27 Feb

I recently had a chat with a good friend of mine and the conversation moved to relationships and who suffers more between a man and a woman. Ofcourse being female, i sided with my fellow females. His side of the story was that usually when a man likes a woman, most of the time it turns out that the woman might just be a Gold digger or a slut. And that though a man may put in months and sometimes even years to get the woman he fancies, at the end of it all the woman might just turn out to be ‘a wolf in sheep’s clothing’. But i kept asking myself in my mind if what he was saying was somehow true and the only thought that came to my mind was how guys were never appreciative of a good thing when they had it. It is girls that have to spend hours and sometimes painful hours trying to look good for their men. All the time and money put into hair, clothes, dieting, the gym and even researching about how to please a man. With a lot of women wanting to be in relationships and not a lot of good guys to go around for everyone, the struggle to fight off the ‘baddies’ wanting to pounce on your man increases. And even after all that, the guy somehow ‘strays’ and moves on to the next available girl. And as if that is not enough, the pressure to look good just keeps mounting with all these celebrities and supermodels trying to decide what society’s view should be like on what is HOT and what is NOT.


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