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I Hear The Music And Therefore I dance

14 Feb


A smile creeps on my face as the song birds sing.

my body sways to that beautiful melody,

the sun never shined so bright

the water never tasted better

the colors never seemed brighter.

It is almost like the world has been born anew

all to accommodate my ever-growing appreciation for it.

I could have sworn I heard “walking on sunshine”

playing loudly in the background

my body and soul dances to the beat of it

and my heart rejoices.

I feel alive,

I feel complete,

I feel like I am floating,

sweaty palms,

the heavy breathing,

the endless possibilities.

I know the world can not understand

They think I am losing my mind

they do not see what I see

they can not feel what I am feeling

the warmth,

the comfort,

the love.

It’s like an illness,

you can explain what you are feeling

people can see how bad it makes you act

but no one knows how intense it really is

no one but YOU.


“Those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music.”  – Friedrich Nietzsche


Part Of me

12 Feb

Sweat drips down my face as I think of what to do

my head hurts but I try to fight it

anyone who doesn’t understand may think I am a fool

they do not get it, it’s no just fulfilling it’s also sweet

A part of me knows I shouldn’t let it control me

the other part just wants to be consumed

Sleepless nights become a norm

the more I try to fight it, the stronger its hold on me gets

its become an addiction

like the air I breath and the food I ingest

I just can’t give it up

the scary part is I love it

more than I can put into words

and anyone reading this is sure to agree with me

“once you start blogging, it becomes a part of you”

Coldness, rain, dreams and the Unseen.

25 Mar

A familiar feeling of emptiness overpowers me,

a cold moment when no amount of food, drugs or drink can help erase the memories than suddenly flood my all so exhausted brain.

Even the comforting sound of my music or the feel of my beddings cant bring back that lost feeling of happiness and warmth.

The rain drops upon this old roof making me envious and weep inside as I wish for the day to come when the sound of rain will symbolize the washing away of my actions,

 my filth,

and even my tears.

I lose sleep each night as the insomnia begins to run my life.

Slowly slipping, Taking me down with all my hope into the cold abyss of regret,

where every thought makes me nostalgic and keeps driving me closer to the edge.

A dark cloud above my head,

will the sun ever shine again?

A rotten smell in the air.

Or is it my own mind dying away?

Caged inside my own thoughts,

 a prisoner of my own mind.

Will love come and set me free like that guy who broke the curse with nothing more than true love’s first kiss

 or is it all just another piece of the puzzle ,

 finding its place among my wildest fantasies and day dreams-

 a part of my distorted chaos, this existance we call reality?

I close my eyes and try to conjure up a better tomorrow,

where the song birds sing forever so sweetly the melodies of a life worth waking up for

 and the gentle breeze whispers a message from above ‘HE Is always there for you’.

Taking in a deep long breath and holding on to an imaginary picture of myself.

 A made up vision of me with a genuine smile on my face.

I put my faith in the hope of a supernatural miracle

 and trust in the unseen.

Day dreaming of the perfection of the day,

 when I wont have to fake this smile.

Slowly fading away

2 Mar

I tried to live for you

but it only brought me pain

the good times were there but they were so few

then dark days without any gain

sleepless nights thinking about failure

a never ending cycle of good, bad, happiness and tears

trying to shut the world out, and faking a smile

believing in genies and magical wishing stars

wont this nightmare ever end

swallowed up in the sounds of the  voices that control me

testing my strength, nailing me to my bed

feeding me, mocking me, is this all i will ever be?

a puppet on a string?

a jester in the halls?

what more horrors will tomorrow bring?

am sliping away and it shows

my smile fading

is there more left of me

will this be my slow ending?

I look in the mirror and all i  see is you

I dont recognise me anymore

i need to break free

to fight


resist the call to please you

before all of me is gone forever.

It’s What You Do To Me

29 Feb

Voices in my head

driving me to the edge

screaming outloud

can no one hear me

I breathe in

close my eyes

try to block out the madness

Its like a cancer

A never ending disaster

I shout out to you

I cant stay cool

am freaking out

biting my nails, pulling my hair..what is next?

look at me

what have I become?

I feel sick


is there a cure

now am seeing rainbows

 and polka dot flowers


its like i am high

a pin deep in my thigh

i cant even feel it

detached from reality

its like a drug

 numb from the overdose

my thoughts, my will, my strength, a loss

sweaty palms, now butterflies

am slowly losing my mind

my senses

a sentence without spaces


its what you do to me



My Escape…My Joy.

28 Feb

How many prayers must a believer make before the good Lord hears him out.?

How much sadness must a person feel before they eventualy just give up on life?

Billions of people on this earth and still i feel like an island…

feeling out of place except in the house by the corner in chingola.

Feeling happy only when am with my family, my boyfriend whom i love , my bestie who has a dog named maya and a few other people.

Living is so hard at times and so i sleep to try and escape from the realities of life.

I sleep cause i dream and in my dreams i am free…and freedom means escape,

escape means hapiness.

I sleep cause i forget,

and that temporary amnesia feels like a piece of heaven.

I sleep and i sleep until the world is left behind.

Him She Loves :)

28 Feb

His smile drives me crazy

One look from him and i melt inside

A simple kiss and am driven into a frenzy

My feelings for him i can not hide

The touch of his hand on me

Is enough to leave me gasping

A mere whisper and weak goes my knee

Then comes the wanting..needing..craving

Its like the more time passes

The deeper in love I dive

I try to resist, to fight the forces

but its as though without him i can not live

His eyes, his lips, his scent

I think of them and I am filled with joy

for how could i be so lucky, so blessed

God gave me an angel, this Gift, this love, this boy.


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