The Assassination Of Cupid

6 Feb

die cupidFirst of all, before, I even begin I would  like to say that just in case this blog post is full of typos and grammar that makes you wonder if I ever went to school or if i am normal, it is not my fault.

For starters ever since we (students of a certain university) went on vacation, I have rediscovered my love of books and the internet so I rarely sleep or eat as much my mother would like. Unhealthy and a bad habit I know but it can not be helped. I would say it is insomnia but that would be a lie because mostly it is by my own doing that I do not sleep.  I just do not want to sleep, simple and straight forward. And thanks to my new best friend coffee, I don’t. Unless I absolutely have to.

All this leads me to spending each day looking and walking like a zombie and since I spend most of my time in my room on my laptop, no one gets scared by my appearance. Which is all really good, because the last thing I want is to be scaring people. And well we can blame the bad “postmanship” (I hope that exists) on that for now.

Okay, now I have forgotten where I was going with all of this.

Right, back to the issue at hand, love, romance, valentine’s day, cupid and the many other things that give me a headache (not all the time, but enough times). Okay enough of the hate, right? stay with me this post actually has some sense in it in the end.

You know how they say “You can pick your friends, you can pick your nose but you can not pick who you love”, like it is some miracle and action you have no control over? Well I guess there is some sense in that nonsense. You can see it in the way we end up with the most unlikely people, people we never thought we could br friends with, let alone lovers.

I would like to think that every person has their dream guy or girl, then how do you explain ending up with someone who is the total opposite of that? The answer I think is cupid. That winged bastard likes to play cruel jokes on people and probably even laughs about it as he watches, like a really bad episode of Jerry Springer. A while back I used to think he does his evil magic with that cute bow and arrow of his, but now I have reason to think he upgraded his arsenal and bought a freaking machine gun and a bazooka. No one is same. No one. try blocking a shot a bazooka with a bullet proof vest. Its like people just keep falling in and out of love, like it isn’t bad enough that celebrities do it now it is becoming a trend everywhere and with almost everyone. Its disgusting. I say this because how else can we explain what happens on Facebook these days?

exhibit A

You log into Facebook on monday and see a changed relationship status from “single” to “in a relationship with____”, first thought that comes to your mind, “wow, someone is going out with toothless wonder Jane”. Everyone comments and likes and it’s a good monday I guess as far as Mondays go.

Tuesday comes and it’s all love updates from the new couple, you know the type “I miss him”, “I love him”, ” blah blah”, (I am a culprit with updates all the time like a love struck teenager. I am so ashamed admitting this so do not laugh)

Then the good stuff starts to happen by thursday when the relationship status changes to “its complicated”, by that time you get out your popcorn because you know its drama time soon. unnecessary drama if I might add.

Sunday and it “went from its complicated to single”, what the hell? and then you have updates like ” all men/women are the same”, “F### this, I am too cute to be crying over a spineless jerk” and my personal favourite “fu Screw love, I am tired of trying”

Three days later and its the start of the cycle..again.

Now from this you can tell that something is wrong, obviously cupid has been shooting so many people at a go that, by the time you are done you would have gone through the cycle like a hundred times. And if you are the “has sex with every boyfriend” type, by the time it is boyfriend #25 you will be smuggling midgets in your Vag “Unmentionable”.

exhibit B

Dating two or more people at the same time, why the hell do you need to do that? Who do you think you are, Casanova? I am not going to go into religious territory, because lets face it, that is how wars begin. i am just going to say, umm “AIDS IS REAL” and “I hope you like herpes”. Two-timing douche.


And before we put the blame on the guys and probably start a war of the sexes, note that females can be just as guilty too. (Case closed)

Cheating Girl Friend[1]

And what is worse is still seeing him/her even when you freaking know he is with someone else, if it is someone you know then I think you have issues. Go see a shrink or something. Back stabbing freak. (Make sure the knife is clean at least before you use it)

You give love a bad name.

From all this we can see that, the only way to save the world is to go on a non stop search for the winged fat little guy and its off with his head. Okay I realise I am being very mean right now, and probably going to be arrested for putting the idea of assassination in people’s heads but please you have got to agree with me on this one. CUPID HAS GOT TO GO.


2 Responses to “The Assassination Of Cupid”

  1. sylvester February 6, 2013 at 5:27 pm #

    Permission granted, kill the bastard..

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