13 Apr

Two days ago, I had to travel to Kitwe for some school related matters and let me tell you this I was not excited about it. The thought of being on a bus for atleast an hour was not at all a good thought. I dread using public transport, but seeing that I neither own a car of my own nor have any friends that can drive me around to anywhere I want to go, i really have no choice but to just stomache the horrors and craziness of using buses and whatever.

Do not get me wrong though, Its not that I do not like people – okay maybe a bit, the idea of having so many people in one place at a time who I do not know really makes me feel uncomfortable and it is for this reason that I like being indoors so much – but that is not the only reason.

It is thought of surviving disgusting smells, annoying sounds and creepy and weird people with really bad cologne touching me…I am still not sure is it is accidental or intentional. That is what freaks me out. Just getting out of the safety of the house to subject myself to such circumstances. It is mind numbing, well for me that is.

Imagine this situation, You are going on a two hour bus ride and you are there at the station waiting for the bus to come. When it does arrive, you immediatelly get in and as soon as you enter, you are greeted by this intense horrid stench of dried fish, mixed with a baby’s dirty diaper mixed with farts mixed with the worst concentrated sweat ever ( I do not even know what concentrated sweat is or if that expesson even exists but just think of it as the worst sweat in the world, not sexy at all). You almost pass out from that but you just decide to ignore it and walk over to your seat.

As if that is not enough, you find that you are seated next to a person who appears to have used the whole bottle of cheap perfume, it is so strong and not in a good way that you feel like if will give you a runny nose soon ( I do not know how that happens but it does). anyway it is just two hours you can get through it right? Well it does get worse.

The only thing that can be worse that bad nose blocking perfume are sweaty armpits filled with hair being put in you face. I once got on a bus and the conductor was trying to reach for the money being given to him by someone seated behind and in his attempt to get it, it just led to him shoving his disgusting pits in my face. I was like ‘what the hell’ and almost cried. What kind of shitty bus service is that? I paid to be taken to my destination safely not to have armpits in my face and hair. That was just the ‘eww’. But i guess it can’t beat seated next to someone who appears to have not taken a shower and you can practically smell the dirty off of him( the sweat, urine, beer, cigarettes, bad breath), then you start to wonder what really goes on in some people’s minds. Whenever I am even remotely sweaty, i feel so selfconcious, like I am grossing out the people who will be unluck enough to sit near me. I wonder if I am the only one who feel like that.

Whenever I get on a bus, I like taking out my Phone and immediatelly start checking my facebook, twitter or start reading some of the blogs I follow and recently I have added Whatsapp to my the things I like to do on a bus (actually I do these things everywhere because I am such an internet junkie and a facebook addict). Now you can imagine how it makes me feel when I am seated next to a stranger who keeps looking on my screen trying to see and read what I am writing. what is wrong with some people? haven’t they ever heard of the word PRIVACY? I mean come on who does that? It is very backward behaviour if you ask me. I always feel like snapping at the and saying “WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING WEIRDO..STOP SPYING ON ME!!!” but I am so lame at that so I just do the one thing I can do in such a situation, I twist my phone at an angle so that they will not be able to see what i am doing. Nosy freaks…I hate that so much.

The only other person more annoying that “screen checking 007 wannabe guy’ is that random stranger who thinks it is okay to turn you into a pillow. I mean come one. He thinks It is so normal to just pass out on your shoulder and starts snoring away like it is the most logical and publically accepted thing to do. His mouth wide open and drool oozing out all over you. Gross.

Then again I still would not know how to respond if he just came out with it and asked to lean on me. I imagine it would go something like this  ” oh excuse me pretty nice lady, may I please rest my head against your  bony shoulder and maybe even let my drool drop all over your nice clean shirt. I may eventually start snoring even though it is just the afternoon” I would be left speechless and grossed out especially since most people who like passing out on strangers shoulders look like hobos.

I have been in my fair share of bad bus experiences and if I decided to write about them all it would end up being a book. maybe I should just tell you about my most recent one.

It happened in February this year and up to now it still makes me sick. I was coming back home from Lusaka and the bus was not evven that full. There I was seated alone, a mills and boon in my hand as I read away the romance. Swallowed up in that world when suddenly this girl decided to sit with me. So many seats in the bus and she sat next to me.

From the way she started acting I could tell she was feeling sick but I did not ask her. I just continued reading my novel. Then out of nowhere she just started throwing up in a plastic bag and filled it up good. I am sure that from the expression on my face she could tell I was really grossed out. I can decribe the crazy smell that was in the air but I am going to just spare you. It is for the best that we just leave it at “it was bad”. She then just put the vvomit filled bag on her laps like it was her lunch or something. Being bad mannered I immediately started tweeting about it and text my sister that this was the worst trip ever.

After sometime, I blocked the images that the girl had forced into my mind and got back to my book when all of a sudden I heard the sound of a filth filled bag drop to the floor of the bus and almost screamed but I didn’t. She must have dozed off and somehow let go of her ‘dirt bag’. I wanted to wake her up, but I didn’t know exactly what I would say “hey excuse me, your disguting bag of grossness has dropped to the floor and is now all over that sleeping womans beautiful shoe and making us all very sick.”. I doubt if that would have been the right way to do it. so I just got my earphones, played some music and pretended I had not seen anything. I mean what would you have done? When she woke up, she panicked when she found out the bag was no longer on her laps, she looked at the floor and at that poor woman’s shoes, looked at me and when she saw I was still reading my book (well pretending to read my book, I was actually just looking at her from the side of my eyes and wondering what she was going to do), she was convinced that I had not seen anything so she quickly leaned back and pretended she was sleeping…the crafty girl.

My sister always says I am a snob because I hate buses and prefer getting on cabs, but can you seriously blame me? What would you do? like seriously?

So from bad smells, to weirdos to crying infants to anything you can think of, I think It is enough for anyone (by anyone I mean ME) to hate public transport and die a little inside whenever the thought of going anywhere comes up. It is all too much to handle.

I do hope you have had better luck with public transport and travelling in general, as for me…all this really SUCKS.



  1. Chandan Mishra April 13, 2012 at 1:57 pm #

    ” oh excuse me pretty nice lady, may I please rest my head against your bony shoulder and maybe even let my drool drop all over your nice clean shirt.”

    Hey… No offense.. But I Have To Tell You…

    I Just Hope You Are Well And Healthy After Having Such Experience… 😛

  2. A Girl Nicknamed Dee April 13, 2012 at 2:04 pm #

    Oh no, its okay. I have gotten over it now and sometimes when I tell people about it, I get to laugh with them. 😀
    and yes, I am okay now. Scarred for life..but okay 🙂

  3. pattyamis April 13, 2012 at 2:12 pm #

    Hey urs a better off!! I move wit sharp thingies in my purse to prick th crazy perverts!!! U punched one!! Showed him not to mess wit me..lmsao

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